so...this past year. i have no specific place to start, so i will begin with january of this year.

-the only thing i can rmbr about january is taking the SAT2 math, which i thankfully passed the first time around.

-february was berk, which was, sadly to say, a disappointment. i think the fact that everyone got sick and our old lsd members werent there ruined it for us. we realize right when we got home that berk was only exciting with the 04/05 crew. we are just not cut out to be that exciting.

-march...what happened in march?

-or april, for that matter, other than some serious ap studyage. oh, right, i finally got a somewhat decent SAT score. and prom. ive already said what i wanted to say about prom.

-may? may started out horrendous. actually, may was horrendous. ppl i cared about a lot forgot my bday, aps for 2 whole freaking weeks, horrible haircut, a bday party that half the ppl couldnt come to cause they were too sick. but the end of may was fun. that one day in may, i will not forget that day. ever.

-june: finals again and grad. then the hell summer started.

for current juniors who might be reading this, let me warn you about the summer before senior year. its a good idea to destress a bit from junior year, but dont forget that the first semester of senior year is basically one whole junior year compacted into a semester. start college essays over the summmer. study your remaining SAT shit like crazy, and take up activities that you can handle. i got crazy this summer. that de anza class, as much fun as it was to take, was tough, beyond reason. work, was work. another class started later on this summer. going to the gym everyday was a personal goal thing, but it consumed energy like you wont believe. and on top of everything was ap lit and ap gov hw. grrr...there were times i would cry because of all the pressure to do everything this summer. gosh it was a horrible summer. i was so upset at someone and so pissed at myself for taking up WAYYY too much stuff for me to handle this summer. but the last 2 wks of summer were nice. couples dance started, and it was nice to be back into hc stuff again. i really missed it.

-aug: so hard. so hard to maintain time to do everything and be sane at the same time. ap lit and ap gov and physics honors and stats and the stupid schedule thing was killing me. couples took up some major weekend time. and stupid college essays were just murder. but, i pulled through. somehow. that month was, again, some of the best times of this year, and my life as a whole.

-sept: signed up to finally go take my permit test, but i had to take it a few days later. that weekend btw when i signed up and filled the paperwork to take my permit and when i actually did take the test, has changed my life. that month onwards has been one of the most miserable times of my life. and im only 17. i took the permit test the day after it happened, and you can imagine that i failed my test. by 2 questions, mind you, but i failed.

since then, the rest of the year has been a blur of events. ridiculous amounts of ap lit homework. ap gov homework. couples practice. endless nights on the phone with michelle. stats on mondays and fridays.not sleeping. eating dinner at 10:30 at night. making food at 3 in the morning. sunken eyes. stopping talking to ppl. slowly trying to hide from the real world. endless weekends spent editing essays and writing and then rewriting. late nights listening to depressing songs to help me make it through. turning in apps, one by one. youtubing crap at 2 am and doing hw at the same time. i wish i could say that senior year, so far, has been the hardest but best year of all, but it hasnt. i hate this year, so far. ive worked damn hard in 06 to get where i want to be. ive pulled the sleepless nights to get the grades i deserve. ive studied till i fell asleep on my book. but, i hate this year, and what that one weekend has done to me. ive become someone i dont recognize anymore. ive lost faith in a lot of ppl that i was once very close too. hell, ive lost a lot of friends, and lately im noticing that i dont want to be near my friends anymore. at all, actually. i dont know if that is a self growing thing or if im really making a loner out of myself, but i know that it isnt me at all. ive lost my passion of most of the things i once loved: speech and debate, link crew, hanging out with friends, shopping, talking to ppl. ive been reduced to this very unhappy person, and ive been stuck here since that weekend in september.

thankfully, people have been there for me. not the ppl i expected at all. someone, who i really have only gotten to know and talk to because of drama and only in the last month or so. but hes proved to be here and listening and willing to help, which is all i really need right now. another who i had a class with last year, but have gotten close to this year because of a dreaded 7th period class with the weirdest student teacher ever, someone who has done so much to make me feel better lately. a very special junior who i just absolutely love is also in that class, which makes me so grateful for staying in that class. but i cannot forget the person who has stood by me for all of this from teh beginning. she is patient and caring and understanding and is always willing to listen, to help, to comfort. without her, i would not have been able to get through this year at all. her love and devotion to all my silly problems even with some major stuff of her own has shown me that THAT is a friend. and i am glad to know i have FINALLY met a person who will not betray me, who will not turn their back on me. and after a hellish year of different forms of betrayal and dishonesty, thats the one thing i need to keep me sane.

since these past few months have been so horrible, im in a state of mind where i think this year has been terrible. but i thot 05 would be a bad year too, and it turned out to be one of the best. the best, since i met 2 of the most incredible people ever, one of who has proven to be a true friend and the other who has left for good. i dont know what 07 has for me, but i hope i get into a good college and that i am successful, and that i am happy again. i hope its a good year, better than this last year has been, and that is all i can ask for.

i had to find last year's resolution to see if I had actully followed through with them,or not. So, one more time, here they are:

good grades. keeping the gpa. sat stuff. getting into the college i want. (yup, kept them up)

trying to figure out what i wanna be. (after much thought, a doctor)

time management.

thinking logically.

learning how to work hard, and play hard. (senior year has been this way)

losing weight. (8lbs)

license by jan 2007. HAHAHAHHA....i JUST got my permit. lol..what a joke.

so 4/7 is really bad. but they are pretty general stuff, so yea. ok, this year's:

-grades/gpa/college

-time management

-acting like an adult, instead of just legally being one

-work hard, play hard

-losing more weight/toning up like crazy

-trying to figure out what i want in life, not just as a career, but what makes me happy and how to stay that way without being dependent on any singular person

-license before going to india

and thats it folks. happy new year.

Homecoming Update: Done Class by Class. it looks very similar to stacy's. sorry for that.

FRESHMEN: holy smack. i was EXTREMELY impressed with your guys fully painted backdrop, front entrance, costumes and dances. like, hands down, you were better than us our freshman year. very cute dances, especially girls. im glad we watched all of it, even if it was at lunch. props to hee-yoon for staying strong during all this. freshmen year, everything is really overwhelming frosh year. your costumes were awesome, and paul did a great job with them. you guys have proven that an odd numbered class CAN be great. keep it up. get everyone involved. cherish and enjoy ur next 3 yrs with hc, because u dont know how fast it flies by, and how much it affects you.

SOPHOMORES: wow. your backdrop was freaking JAWDROPPING!!! susan, i think, is freaking brilliant. extremely good improvement from last year guys. next year though, try to keep the girls dance a bit less sluty even though it mite not seem so. its school, and anything, especially ur ass, shaking is a bit too sexy/sluty. and boys, good job with the dance, but keep in mind that the teachers will eventually find out what is taken from what and if things are copied or not. just be careful not to copy things directly. extracting is fine, and ppl use youtube to do that a lot, but just be careful next year. couples was soo cuteeee. loved the boys/girls indiv. dance. good skit and costumes. extremely well coordinated prop entrance/exit. keep it up guys, and be uber careful next year. dont let jr.year stress bring you down, and enjoy it as much as possible.

JUNIORS: hahaa...loved adam's revolving chair. cute skit, as usual. quite honestly, i didnt know that couples was the kindergardeners dancing, but yea. interesting boys advanced and i loved how u guys made fun of the seniors from last year. sam, intense turn thinger man. the characters fit the roles really well. good voicing, especially swinger girl. lol jennie. now guys, i know we have some definite hating going on btw. our classes bc of last year and i want to say some things. you guys are a good class, and we do love 08. but please realize that revealing the senior theme isnt going to earn you anything, especially if we find out about it. we didnt bash you on roll call, so going around saying that we are cocky and arrogant about winning isnt nice either. if we won, we won fair and square. dont blame "senior advantage" or "its rigged". we worked hard for our win, and i hope we showed you that through our skit and all our dances. dont be sore losers about it, like some 07ers were last year. accept what you have, congratulate the winners, and move on. we do homecoming because its fun, and we all look forward to it. dont ruin our love for your class by dissing us or talking behind our backs. last year was bad enough. we want to enjoy our year with you guys, and the rest of LHS. so dont hate, just be happy, and have fun. lastly, enjoy your last hc. get everyone involved. you guys will rock, and we know it. just be nice people about it, and dont let little things upset you guys. you will do great.

SENIOOORRRSSSS: i am so proud of our class. true, our skit wasn't as we expected it to be and some of the dances were off, along with the pauses, but we did it. we won. 5 months of hard work from our officers. 4 months of decorations meetings and backdrop stuff. 3 months of skit practice. 2 months of dance practice. 1 month of costumes. it was all worth it. thank you, 07, for making this hc a memorable one. for everyone who helped and sacrificed so much to do this. 

JEREMY: for everything you have done, put up with, sacrificed, worried about, we are grateful. your constant persistance towards hc and getting things done amazes me. i am so glad we have you for this, and that you did such an amazing job in putting this all together. i dont know who deserves that trophy more than you. thank you.

POOP: i know how much you did. i saw your pain, your work, your sweat, your worries,your tears. i am amazed by how much you dedicate yourself to this job, how much you strived for perfection. i am at a loss for words to explain to you just how much you mean to me, to 07. your love and dedication has helped me so much these past few months, and for that, i am blessed. thank you, poop, for all of this. and know that, no matter what, i am always here to listen, to help, to talk to.

AMY: my gosh amy. your ability to stay focused, to get things done is crazy. you work so hard, and put so much into this that, i am blown away. your concentration to this has so much to do with our win, you have no idea. thank you for staying strong and focusing on the goal through all of this.

ALVIN: oh alvin. most everyone thought, at first, that you are the most stubborn officer, ever. but now we realize, just how much we needed that. your constant pushing and pressure to do better, to get things done, has brought us here. thank you for being forceful, for pushing us. your willingness to rechoreograph boys with zach, to fix everything that wasn't approved, to stay focused, is part of the reason for that trophy.  thank you. you have really shown us that you deserve to be an officer. keep it up alvin.

MAMMOO: couples started out with a funky tryout dance and 45 ppl. it ended with one hell of a dance, umbrellas and 40 ppl. we were a bitchy group sometimes. we could never decide costumes. we dissed ur moves sometimes. hell, we dissed you sometimes, in front of you. but you dont know just how much we loved these last 2.5 months. every sunday, from 4-6:30, with our umbrellas, dilworth. all 20 couples. your determination to make us "fucking mindblowing", to make us practice till we die, to make sure EVERYONE was in it who could be in it, means so much. sundays now look very empty without practices, and im sure we will all miss your emails filled with spelling mistakes. thank you, for an amazing couples, for being an amazing class prez, and just such a good friend. you were really there for me when i needed it, and im so glad we got closer.

BELLY: hahahahaa...the last dance to get together, set up, choreograph, and practice, and yet we were one of the best. thank you aida for letting almost everyone do it, and for being such a good teacher. our belly dancers was an interesting mix of people, which made it that much more fun. i dont think i can ever forget "WALLLA OH WALLA WALLA OH WALLA WALLA" or " SHAKE YOUR BOOBSSSS!!!!" i definitely had fun doing it, and hope i can do it again. those belly scarves freaking rock.

all in all, one hell of an hc. im going to miss it, dearly, next year. next summer will be so empty. after 4 years of dancing in it, and helping out, its become a part of me. we have had our highs and lows, but we tried to stay positive and work hard for the next year. thank you steven for making couples frosh year so much fun. it made me realize how much i loved hc and how much i wanted to be a part of it. jo, im sorry we never go to do couples soph year, but im glad i got to know you better that time. and richard, for making this year's couples interesting. angelica for the 4 hours of talking and eating hc night. all our class officers: ryan, ed,stacey, ananth, mammoo, poop, jeremy, brian, alvin, amy, anita, for making these past 4 years so memorable. mr. a, ms. dong, and mrs. a for staying with us, believing in us, advising us, buying us donuts and coffee every hc morning, working with us for the past 4 years. im so proud of our class and all the work we put in. we started this not knowing what the hell we were doing, and we have come out as winners. i love you guys.  

warning: to those u who especially despise soccer, read this anyway. for those of u who dont, i hope u understand my sorrow.

world cup final. my first world cup final. france vs. italy. i knew both were pretty good teams, but i had a feeling that france had the advantage because of 4 reasons: henry, ribery, this amazing defense guy whose name sounds like allubalooo or something, and the legendary zidane. these 4 would create the match, and i knew it. our house partition was as follows: me and my dad, for france, against my mom, for italy.

the game started out beautifully. france made a beautiful penalty kick at the 7th minute by zidane. it hit the top post and bounced down to hit the goal. glorious. france in the lead. italy came back with a gorgeous shot in, i think, around the 21st minute. 1 to 1 in the first half. we knew it was going to be an excellent game. after a while, we realized that france's goalie truly sucked. he lacked good jumps, a sense of direction and the ability to run out of the goal to help his team. italy on the other hand, had the perfect goalie. he was brilliant: he jumped like a kangaroo( and looked like one, with his golden jersey), he knew exactly which way the ball was going, and ran out as much as possible to help his team.

as the game continued, with italy attacking the french goal with unbelieveable frenzy, we saw the french defense seriously save the goalies ass at least 7 times. the allabaloo guy is amazing. out of nowhere, his leg pops up to get the ball away from the goal. amazing. henry, a young french forward, was one of the 2 most important people for the french today. this guy, hit in the head in the 5th minute, i think, is the main scorer in this cup for the french. he comes up with the most creative and artistic shots, and with his accuracy and positioning, he usually makes it or creates a beautiful assist. today, sadly, none of the french forwards were ever in the right position to get his assists and shoot it in. god, he was so frustrated when 5 chances to score were missed cause no one was there for the assist.

throughout the match, you could see the love between the 2 teams. there was no brutality, no meaness, only love for each other and the game. if someone tripped, a person from the other team would help them up. whenever someone got hurt, all players tried to make them comfortable, showing concerned faces. during breaks, the teams would joke around with each other, hugging and laughing, showing true unity, love and respect for each other.

then, the most surprising, astonishing thing happened. zidane headbutted this italian dude in the chest in the 110th min after he said something to zidane. zidane, the most calm and rational player on the field, the 01/02 mvp, french team captain, guy who settles arguments on the field, most experienced and beloved european player, guy who won france their last world cup title by scoring 2 out of the 3 goals. zidane, whose penalty kicks got france to the final game, whose passes and shots are truly magical. i was so surprised. shocked. the horror, to watch the hero of the match being kicked off of the field after a red card got shoved in his face, being watched in amazement by his beloved team who were doing their best to win the game for him, their mentor, so that he could raise the world cup in his last soccer game of his life. imagine the shock. the crowd went silent. no one could imagine it. zidane is out, for good. take a last look, because this is the last time you will ever see the soccer wizard in the field again.

from there, the game lost its appeal. it didnt matter anymore who won. they wud have to go to penalty kicks, a sad result to win the world cup for. a world cup should be won during actual time, not in a pathetic sudden death. never the less, france had lost their captain, their reason to win and stuck with a goalie who cant save a ball for the life of him, italy won in a 5-3 sudden death.

it was a game truly worth being called the world cup final, until zidane got red carded. then on, italy got lucky and france just lost their confidence, effort, and support. im so sad and surprised that zidane did that, and the trophy ceremony was one of the quietest ive ever seen, with the crowd fully knowing that, win or lose, zidane should have been on stage, leading the french.

such a disappointment. im still in shock, and so sad. sigh.

     zinedine zidane, french team capt., attacking midfield

     thierry henry, french forward

     frank ribery, french midfielder

     eric abidal, french fullback/defense

i have spent the majority of this week working with a machine. thats rite. for this week, i have gotten to know a first world country copy machine on level that is slightly embarassing. not only have i seen its deep internal parts, i have also had to feed it enormous amounts of Xerox copier paper, that for some reason or other, smells disturbingly like fish. my boss and i have come up with some ludicrous stories as to why that is and finally decided that the paper we feed the copier must have been the packaging paper for fish in another lifetime, and leaves the smell to retain the paper's true purpose in life. packaging fish.

in other news, the da vinci code does not have as many sex scenes as the book. quite honestly, i was surprised as to how much the movie lacked the sensual nature that the book contained. but all in all, the movie was not bad and did meet what my imagination created when i read the book last summer. although, i do have to say, that i did relearn how to say shit and bastard in french. at least the $9.00 i spent brought some knowledge to my head.

i did finally watch what has come be known as a cult classic, napoleon dynamite. let me just say, i have never seen such a wonderful wastage of tater tots or film reel. but i think we need to hire john heder to be in our boys advanced. at least we would have some new moves, along with a new slogan: vote for 07. cant wait to dress up in fros and '80s glasses.

what a year. not knowing where to start would be a lie, because i know exactly where to start to begin my recap of this year. before i begin, i just want to let anyone who actually bothers to read this that i mean no harm in what i am going to say. that everything i am about to write and share with you does not have to do with the people involved, but rather with my personal issues. so, please dont be offended by anything because it is nobodys fault but my own.

junior year began not in the beginning of the school year, but during the second week of summer vacation. sat books haunted me along with princeton review classes. dance class was a joke. i was out of shape and looked like a dunce in front of a class full of Valks, although i was the only one who could arch my back into a pretty mean O. soon started chemistry with the tutor from the land of discouragement, and the constant nagging of my parents about my lack of commitment in my studies. what a way to begin. things didnt improve much when i had to attend one of the most dreaded things in my life, seeing a family torn apart by one careless mistake days after they celebrated their unity. for the first time in my life, i broke down in front of a person. my dad caught me in time, but for the first time, i couldnt control myself. soon, high school was about to start, with the most trecherous year about to begin. eveyone i turned to ask about the dreaded junior year told me to beware and work hard. 

so began the year, with swati and i spending the sunday night before on the phone till midnight, talking about everything and anything. soon began the workload. and it was hell from the beginning. i failed all of my first tests in every single class. obviously my confidence got a major boost from THAT fiasco. low morale, loss of confidence and my friends all doing better than me, i wailed and whined. until a certain someone told me to shut up, and go do my hw. thats when i learned what true perseverence was. i pushed on. and i got better. much better, actually. better than i had done in all my life. i gained a type of self confidence and trust in myself knowing that i would not go wrong, because i wudnt let myself go wrong. soon began the nights of no end, with my tea by my side and the books on the other. i soon learned how to be able to function on 4/5 hrs of sleep, how to sleep during choir and chem and also how books could serve as excellent pillows. instead of my parents turning off my light when i went to bed, i silently took away their books, tucked them in, turned off the light and tiptoed out. it was difficult, but i learned. however, my work did not go without outlets for frustration. i would cry twice, maybe 3 times a week. i would get so frustrated, and i could only let it out one way. it was nice, calming even and would end nicely after a nice cup of tea. it became a routine to do that, because i believe that u can never go without a good cry about certain things, an expression of a feeling that cannot be expressed any other way. 

social aspects of junior year, let me be blunt, sucked. homecoming was a complete disappointment and quite frankly, an embarrassment. the most fun week of the year was completely ruined, leading to one of the most humiliating nights of my life. i probably sound really dramatic, but i think it was all such a big letdown. again, its not anyone specifics fault. it cannot be redone, and the only way to redeem ourselves is to be freaking awesome next year. i hope we can do it. berkley. wow. wut an unexpected surprise. we had heard stories of the amazing berk trip every year. the one year i actually go, we get put in a hotel that lacked heating, in a weekend where more than half the team got sick with aditi n i tripping during most of the trip and several people having to go to the hospital because of the sickness. not what i had hoped for. prom. sigh. prom. what a challenge. as much fun as i wanted to have with one amazing date, i couldnt. i had these unbelieveably high expectations which ruined everything. i feel terrible saying this but, prom night would have made no difference to me if i had stayed home and watched a movie. it wasnt that special. i did not feel really glamorous, nor was it the best night of my life. i am sorry to say, that prom was not what i thought it would be. and maybe that was the problem. as someone keeps telling me, i have too high expectations and those are what ruin everything i am supposed to look forward to. and maybe that is it, because i cannot, for the life of me have fun anymore. nothing makes a difference anymore. i might be going through a funk, as many people do, but really, its not being helpful. its forcing me to think too much of reality, something i want to avoid for as long as possible. 

but i have to say, that this year has brought a few good friends. one very special understanding girl who seems to know exactly what i mean whenever i talk to her, who has been helpful from the very beginning and listened to my aim rants to her. i love you for all your support this year, when i really needed it. thanx. another guy for being honest with me, and having amazing fights with me about a certain someone and ultimately being one of the most amazing person i know. lastly, one of the most interesting friends ive made. i dont think hes taught me anything yet, but we seem to have a very different friendship. you guys know who you are. 

i am so confused right now. so confused as to what i want in life, as to what i want to be, what i want to become. so confused as to why my feelings towards everything has changed, why ive suddenly taken this emo approach to life. sigh. everythings gotten so much more hazy. maybe its a sign of growing up. i have to say that this year i did grow a lot. maybe this is the tunnel to my neverland of tranquility.

and to my old friends, wut a year. sigh. i am tired, but i have to say that the fact that we are going to be seniors tomorrow scares me. i want to stop this right now. end it all here. its perfect this way. we are all happy, and we can still be kids. im scared to step ahead into the future and have to deal with leaving everyone next year, and a place ive come to love. its hard seeing people say goodbye to each other, and saying goodbye to an entire class? its too hard. i dont want to do it. id rather just keep it all the same and not have to experience it. whats even harder is that a lot of the teachers i love are leaving this year. sigh. im going to miss all of you. can u imagine, tomorrow starts our last summer as children, our last homecoming summer? and yet, here we all are, wondering where we are all going to end up this time next year. sigh. what a tornado of emotions.